Catching Up

It's been a busy summer. No excuse for my complete absence, but we've filmed and processed a lot. I've been able to concentrate on writing, gardening in the greenhouse and taking a more active role in my community.

It's been seven years since my release from the army, and just recently I have felt the turbulence of that former life starting to deconstruct. I seem to reinvent the road ahead of myself almost daily, like a madman trying to predict the stock market, desperately attempting to recognize patterns in people and social situations. Reacting to fastballs thrown in a fog of self-sabotage, grief, loss, depression and ultimately the anxiety of everything together. 
​The kicker is that ALL of the veterans/first responders that I've spoken to with PTSD or OSI find themselves in a variation of this boat. 100%. This is far from coincidental. The play book is set up this way. Regardless of nature, regardless of nurture. None seem to be exempt. The power that very few realize, is that there is strength in this boat. The trick is to be able to redefine strength. ​

My body is broken, my mind forever altered and my focus askew. What we're all left with, is experience. From experience blossoms wisdom, and from wisdom blooms power. 
       I can't run a marathon anymore. 
       I can't jump from a helicopter toward incoming. 
       And I'll never know the rush of a well executed attack again. 

But I can breathe life into a garden, I can hear music in laughter, and I know that kindness and love are paramount to all things. 
       Reminding myself of my humanity is a daily task. 
But I truly believe that our darkest experiences can empower our brightest accomplishments.