What drives you today?3/2/2025 Honestly for me on many days the answer is not clear enough. I have struggled to motivate myself since retirement... and without motivation, it's hard to get the change you're looking for. I don't even feel like I need or want to change all that much... I like me, and I like my life for the most part. I also like that I'm finally in a position to make time for myself after all I've been through. The problem I often struggle with is making myself a priority, so I can do things to live a life more in line with how I'd like to. It's not complicated even... mostly just a few hours of nature each day and to do more art. Eat better and minimize the clutter I still see in most areas of my life... find more good honest people with something interesting to learn and avoid those who only want something from me. Like many veterans, I have a harder time finding purpose since retirement. As it turns out, a large part of what made us... "us" was that need to sacrifice some facet of ourselves in order to feel worthwhile to ourselves. The problem with this type of life is that after you're no longer doing that thing that gave you that purpose, you need to learn what drives you to make the transition from soldier to Vet; or from one purpose to another. Like every stage of one's life, you can't move on of your still holding on to something you can't take with you... like the past. "You cannot become a veteran until the soldier is gone"
This is likely what made me excel in the military. I don't mean by getting promotions or rank, but my version of what I wanted out of the experience. I wanted an adventure and to push myself to a limit I might not have known, and to grow in ways I figured I was lacking. Not that I knew what I was lacking back then, but it seemed the military could at least provide that next level of challenge... and it did. It also instilled in me the real concept of tribe and brotherhood in ways I don't think any other path could have for me in particular. I wasn't a great soldier in any particular way that would stand out. I wasn't particularly fit, or bright... couldn't run for shit and had no real expertise in anything special. I wasn't particularly good at anything really... but putting my team and my mission above myself. I could suffer with the best of them and that's what makes an ordinary soldier extraordinary in many cases. Fitness is all well and good, but the ability to suffer past yourself and find a reason to make a joke of the situation is what takes many a soldier a step past his own level of comfort... and I know that goes for others in a life of service. It's also what keeps someone like me content in his garage for half a decade, as long as the rest of the world seems OK enough for him to just let his guard down.
and I think I'm gonna try this the next few months and see what "not me" things are for me.
Stay tuned.
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Leave a Reply.AuthorRoyce: the most genuine imposter. A jester or a knight when the situation is right, and the fortunate avatar to his soul on its journey. Dedicated to those things and people he cares for while seeking the light in a world that has shown him so much darkness. Archives
February 2023
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